TL;DR
- This is going to be a loooooong read, as it will cover Adli's life journey from 2021 all the way to 2026. So... Buckle up?
- Also... There are roughly around 145 images or so? Because — again — this post will cover a looooot of things that happened from around 2021 through May 2026. Please be mindful of your data usage 🥲✌🏻
- This post will also be translated into English by Claude, so it can reach a wider audience, ehehehe. The quality may not be up to par with human translation. To read the Indonesian version, you can click this link.
- This article was written from 31 May to 8 June 2026
Introduction
This is... hmm... going to be very long. In this post, I'll be sharing my life journey from 2021 up to today, May 2026. So it's going to be reaaaally long. But... hmm... Hopefully it can paint a picture of what Adli_HM — who might appear "easy-going and lucky" from the outside — is actually like behind the scenes...
2021: The Fool
Credit: Pamela Colman Smith, licensed under Public domain.
Laptop Breaks Down
HDD and Laptop Completely Dead
So, the journey of how Adli ended up in the creative industry with a niche in games, films, drama series, anime, music, events, and other written content, started at the beginning of this January. Somehow, out of nowhere, an external hard drive — which had always been fine, never dropped or mishandled, stored somewhere safe — suddenly stopped working. No idea why...
So all the data — Korean variety shows, movies, drama series, anime, and everything else — which were, well... pirated — I know, not legal to do — the kind of thing associated with hoarders and hobby enthusiasts, especially in the era of 2021 and earlier when subscribing to streaming services like Spotify or Netflix was still considered "expensive," and considering FUP limits and the fact that not everyone had access to "unlimited" internet — this habit had actually started a very long time ago. I am basically... a hoarder, as well as an archiver.
So all of that data — writings, designs going back to around 2007 when I was still at an internet café, things from my own laptop, school assignments — was essentially wiped out entirely, unless it had been backed up to cloud storage. Examples of writings archived to Scribd: Pengaruh Cahaya Terhadap Kacang Hijau, Proses Pembuatan Jamur Tiram Coklat, and Ringkasan UAMBN Al-Qur'an Hadits Kelas X. Some of the writings in this account are readable, and they show that I was actually fairly tech-savvy — having been exposed to technology from a young age, and always enjoying summarizing and taking notes. Ehehehehe. But yeah, what a shame — all that collected data just gone...
Shortly after, the laptop I'd been using for years — since around 2014 or 2015, I think — suddenly gave up the ghost too. Just switched off and wouldn't turn on at all. Why? I also don't know.
It had been used normally, and was shut down properly after each use. Then suddenly — dead, non-functional. And you know what the consequence is? Everything is gone, practically. Well, unless I've backed up the data to the cloud...
So yeah... That was that. All the undergraduate and graduate study data, projects, media, everything stored across all the drives in my laptop — gone completely. Even trying to recover data by removing the hard drive and connecting it via an external cable was useless.
Hahaha...
It genuinely felt like swallowing a bitter pill, like falling down and then getting hit by a falling ladder too. Painful. What a life.
All of that data I mentioned also included a graduate thesis proposal that was basically ready to submit — gone. Old study materials — gone. Everything that had been carefully collected? Gone. Like gone, gone, gone, gone. Hmm, the hardships of life.
A Replacement PC Arrives
After about three weeks, because the work at Edukimia — one of the academic journals I was managing at the time — had been left unattended — since I was basically... the backbone of it? That sounds a bit arrogant to say 😐 But I was basically the one handling graphic design, social media promotion and management, email, article layouting, journal administration, and so on — the department delivered a set of PC equipment that could be used temporarily. Fully equipped with keyboard, mouse, PC, and one monitor. So... I could get back to managing the Edukimia journal, and also continue my studies — even though the PC couldn't be taken anywhere. But at the same time, classes were still being held from home if I'm not mistaken, during that period — the COVID-19 era.
A Blurry Future
Mentioning/implying depression, suicidal idea.
Honestly, with so many problems piling up — the broken laptop, the monthly allowance that wasn't enough — which I'll explain below — the future started to feel blurry. Does it really have to be this hard? Is pursuing a master's degree still worth it? What am I even chasing when eating is a struggle, surviving is a struggle, and so on?
This year was probably... the time when I felt the most deeply depressive. There were many moments where I'd just sit in the bathroom for hours, feeling hollow, not knowing what to do or what the point of still being alive was... Or just lying on the floor with the lights off, in total darkness, reflecting... Why am I still holding on? I, who used to win competitions here and there, could do this and that, was considered smart about this and that, competed everywhere — why does it feel like I'm worth nothing? What's the point of still being alive?
During these years, there were also many habits that, to varying degrees, ended up affecting my life in the future. Eating — which used to be twice a day and sufficient — even if it was just plain rice and a boiled egg, which had become a habit since undergrad to save money. Now... I had to hold back and be extremely frugal.
Where there used to be raw eggs available, now there wasn't even enough money to buy them. So what to do when hungry? Just drink water, then go back to sleep. My daily routine was basically... sleep from morning to noon, or noon to evening, then tidy up, deal with websites, job hunting, and so on until dawn, then repeat every day. When hungry, I'd just eat plain rice, or drink water to suppress the hunger. At that point, because I needed to earn money, internet and electricity were far more important than food. Was it healthy? Well... No. But nothing else I can do back then. There was nothing left to sell, no one to borrow from, given that finances at home weren't great either.
This was the time when an identity crisis (?) truly hit without mercy. This was the time when my life revolved around the Feeling Lost playlist, because I really was lost — as lost as one could possibly be. This was also what changed my perspective — what used to be eating 3 times a day as basically a normal thing shifted to 2 times, and now eating 1 time a day, or even once every 2 days, somehow feels normal. That's why sometimes if I've just eaten on a Tuesday morning — in 2026 — the next meal might be Wednesday morning after resting, or maybe Tuesday evening if there's something to eat. Is it healthy? Of course not.
Foot Scalded by Boiling Water
Then one afternoon, I — who had a habit of boiling my own drinking water in a pot before transferring it to a gallon jug to drink over the coming days — was somehow careless that afternoon, and the handle of the pot detached on its own. As a result, the left foot and part of the right foot were scalded by the just-boiled water from the gas stove. At first I tried rinsing with running water, but the burning sensation in my foot wouldn't stop. Soaking it in cold water only reduced the burning sensation for a few minutes, then the heat came back.
When I couldn't take it anymore, I finally reached out to a friend, Ifan, who took me to a clinic first, before heading to RSU Bunda BMC Padang. There, a nurse finally treated it. Thankfully no payment was needed, since I had BPJS 🥲👍🏻
The after-effects lasted around 7–12 days before it finally went down and "resolved." On day 8, I apparently had to go back to my hometown, because my grandmother passed away... The day before, after keeping it to myself for a long time, I finally told my mom about the foot injury.
The Good Things
Now let's get into the moral and material support section. With so many trials and hardships from the start of the year... Were there no good things that happened? There were, actually...
Giving a Lecture at the Mosque
Let's start with the mosque talk. If I remember correctly, this was about three weeks after I had no money at all.
Money is... an incredibly important thing, and... from the beginning of the year there were actually many obstacles with having enough of it. This is one of the reasons I didn't tell anyone at home about the boiling water foot incident — because honestly... There were many moments from around February or March where the money from home simply didn't reach Padang — my place of residence. So in a month where I might need 1,200,000, suddenly it would only be 600,000, or even 300,000. Was that enough? No. At this point there were actually many thoughts along the lines of... Maybe I should just sell myself? Maybe I should open an OnlyFans? Maybe I should apply to work on adult websites? But none of those materialized. Maybe because I was self-aware enough that my... assets... weren't quite up to par. Ehe.
Then one day, my friend Ridho offered me the opportunity to give a talk at a mosque near his house, as part of the Ramadan Pesantren — an annual event during the fasting month, so that elementary, middle, and high school students could gain knowledge outside of their regular schools. That was roughly the concept, I think. I agreed, and before giving the talk, I told him about my problems — including those wild ideas from earlier — and got laughed at, probably because it sounded completely unhinged 🤣
After giving the talk, I was handed an envelope. For me, with no money and in a very dire state, around 140,000 Rupiah came in. I was so grateful, because now there was some money I could use again.
Food!
Alongside offers of small projects, there were also people who brought food. Like Kak Faizah, who during the fasting month gave a delicious and very filling Ayam Laos for breaking the fast 🥲👍🏻 or Eid cookies that were sent — or maybe brought in person? — from home in Payakumbuh as snacks. So happy...
THR (Eid Bonus) 👀
Bu Eka, the administrator of the Edukimia journal — basically the head of the journal — invited me and Ifan to her home to pick up our Eid bonus (THR). Ehe. Unfortunately, I ended up going alone. Not sure why. After heading over there, I was given an envelope with the THR money, as well as some food for breaking the fast.
A Range of New Things
New Stuff
Starting with the laptop. After about three months without one — yes, there was the PC, but it belonged to the department and couldn't be taken anywhere — the family finally provided funding to buy a new laptop. A Lenovo Ideapad Flex 5 arrived from Java. The quality was decent... but it was definitely more on the medium-to-low spec side. With this laptop, Adli was able to continue the graduate studies, look for work, and eventually... change his fate, practically speaking.
Around September, the phone I'd been using before... a Sony something... literally became unusable. Opening old chats took forever, ordering food via apps would take several minutes and frequently showed not responding, and so on. Bu Eka then provided some funding to buy a new phone. So I bought a Google Pixel 3a XL. Very helpful and quite good for its time...
Good Food!
The nice thing about being in Padang back then... the food options were plentiful. And the portions were generally filling for the prices at the time. There was Mie Nuklir, Ichiban Sushi, Chatime, fruit ice cream, Mie Aceh, and so much more. I really miss eating good food like that...
Discovering 뽀랑이_
In the midst of all that mental chaos, unclear future, and unpredictable finances, I somehow stumbled upon 채널 김철수 CHANNEL GIMCHEOLSOO. Honestly, I can't remember which video was the first one that got me hooked. But, long story short, at the time I was actually more drawn to watching Jangho — aka 뽀랑이_ aka pporang-i aka pporang2. Why? Hmm... I don't know? Maybe it was the type of face — he has a... smily/happy face? And somehow it felt... Calm and cheerful to watch/see. Like EXO Baekhyun, and a few other artists that I am following till this date. Is this weird ya...
But anyway, after digging around, it turned out that Jangho had a separate channel — 손장호Jangho Son — which also frequently featured game highlight videos, or even just pure gameplay. There were stream archives too. I dug and dug around... Wait? What's Twitch? Let me check. This is where I think I first created a Twitch account, solely to watch 뽀랑이_... and occasionally some "unofficial" broadcasts of K-pop music shows or Korean TV programs. From this point on... I became a loyal viewer of Pporang2's gaming streams, while also watching live streams and videos published through the Kim Cheolsoo channel, or Son Jangho's own channel.
Graduate Studies Fall Behind
Remember when I talked at length about how the laptop broke, the monthly income wasn't enough for weekly or even monthly needs, and all the other problems? Yup. All of those issues cascaded into everything, including... the graduate studies falling behind. After the master's tuition was paid → laptop broke → PC couldn't be taken anywhere and studying could only be done at home... As a result, my performance in continuing the master's program wasn't going smoothly. My focus was scattered all over the place.
So, despite the headaches of all the obstacles and problems in life, I kept trying to push through my studies — even while going hungry and dealing with everything, because the monthly internet bill was more important than food. Ironic, right? Yeah... The internet had basically become a basic necessity, but the monthly budget wasn't enough to cover everything. Until the fifth semester, I finally processed the paperwork for a temporary leave of absence in semester six, because I wasn't sure I wanted to continue and pay the master's tuition.
Various Projects, Competitions, Website and Domain Development
Because focus had started to fragment, my mind shifted toward... How to survive instead of continuing my Graduate Study. So I tried various approaches — entering calligraphy competitions, applying for various forms of assistance, subscribing to Google Workspace and a domain to apply for jobs — like building a CV, Resume, Portfolio, and more and more. These various websites would later be used for writing reviews, applying for jobs, and so on.
On the other side, through connections with lecturers at UNP and UNAND, some of them offered small projects — such as developing the website and system for The 2nd ICChSE 2021, fixing the Chemistry department website, fixing the Edukimia journal website, compiling lecturer promotion documents, and much more.
Was the money good? Well... Enough to cover weekly or monthly needs, even if it was just barely. At least better than nothing?
Job Hunting
Yep, as already mentioned above, I ended up subscribing to Google Workspace and a domain, to be able to job hunt, back up data — so data wouldn't get lost again like the hard drive incident above — write reviews, and so on. At the time I thought... maybe a Resume, CV, Portfolio, and other sites would be more appealing if built as actual websites, rather than just PDFs? So I started developing these sites. Back then, AI wasn't nearly as powerful for building websites or vibe-coding, so I had to find a suitable Blogger theme/template, check-fix-check-fix-check-fix what could be improved and so on — meaning real check-and-recheck work over the course of days, weeks, even months. And in truth, the projects above like the 2nd ICChSE system were also built entirely on my own, taking a very long time since I didn't have the skills of someone who actually studied Front-End/Back-End Development...
With these websites, I wrote several articles and applied for jobs — possibly thousands of applications from around April/May through December. You know how many made it to an interview?
1.
1? AS IN ONE? ONLY ONE???
Yes, just one. And even then it was only one interview, and I was rejected. Very... exhausting mentally and physically.
A Shift in Life's Direction
Cycling in Pariaman
At the tail end of 2021, I thought... Maybe it's time to find a purpose in life again.
Somehow I think...So, at the end of 2021, I decided to take a little "trip" to the neighboring city of Pariaman. One evening, I read that there was a train car that could carry bicycles to Pariaman. I decided to just go for it. So I took the train around 5-something in the morning, cycled around Pariaman until midday, then came back to Padang around Dhuhr time.
I'm happier when I'm useful than when I'm not.
Yes... Having a lot of money would bring happiness because there'd be no stress about how to pay the bills, what to eat, being able to go anywhere without worrying about money, and so on. But...
Rather than having lots of money but being useless, I'd probably rather be useful and have just enough.
Oooooh? Lots of money then?
Ehehehe. No. The train to Pariaman was probably only around 5–10K per trip, and I didn't buy much food or drinks there either. I think I spent maybe around 50–100K in total in Pariaman.
I love cycling... Whether in the city, the countryside, wherever... And it's been a really long time since I did one 🥲And being in Pariaman... It was so exciting to explore somewhere new 🥲 Took lots of photos, saw all kinds of new scenery, saw the beach, it was so refreshing 🥲
Writing Articles, Recording Gameplay, Giving Feedback
At the end of 2021, after being blanketed by the fog of an uncertain future from the start of the year... the thought finally emerged:
"What is it that I actually might be suited for?"
"I love writing... love giving feedback... love writing... I can also record gameplay..."
"What if I just try writing and recording gameplay?"
"But how do I get games legally without paying?"
So I turned to Reddit to ask:
Is there any online sites to play games free (or with some ads) that could save our progress like how Google Play Games works in Android?And it turned out there were sites for hunting legally free games — both demos, playtests, and even full versions that could be played for free. Ehe. From someone who used to know nothing about this because the old Samsung laptop was basically low spec, now with a Lenovo laptop, maybe it could be used for all sorts of things since it was at least low-to-medium spec?
by u/adli_hm in AskReddit
This was the period where I finally decided to focus more on this new path in life and... maybe not focus as much on the master's degree, even though it was still being pursued going forward...
This is me! A brand new me!And around this time there was also someone — honestly I have no idea who this person is — whose name was "Ya you know lah siapa saya." (You know who I am). I got a hunch, but I'm not sure who this person is. This was my very first supporter in this "business." Hehehehehe. If you'd like to see the full list of people who've supported me, you can check the Supports tab on this site.
2022: The Magician
Credit: Pamela Colman Smith, licensed under Public domain.
Yes! We've finally made it to 2022! 2021 was so long, wasn't it 🤣
Well, it was basically the origin of everything that led up to this point 🤣
Pushing Through the Master's Degree and Various Projects
The Master's That Was Finished, Yet Wasn't
So, in the first half of 2022 — semester 6 — I was on a temporary leave of absence from the master's program... In semester 7, I started picking it back up again. Drafting the proposal again, starting lab work, preparing a paper, and so on. My study at that time was broadly about examining the effects of probiotics from local honey with certain bacteria. Something like that, if I remember correctly. There was a lot to do — including testing on several types of bacteria, waiting for PCR results, writing articles, presenting at an international conference, and so on.
With money starting to trickle in — even if it couldn't really be called enough — I kept trying to finish this degree... Even though in the end...
Various Projects
In the second half of 2022, there were also several projects that came in — like the promotion document compilation, a community service (?) project with Bu Sumaryati, and so on. Not a huge amount, but decent enough to add a little to the income... At least enough to eat some good food, have snacks, and some fruit...
Domain and Systems Development
Aside from picking up a few projects, since I wanted to take this industry seriously, I started routinely maintaining various websites. Adding content, improving some UI, UX, and features — things that might not matter to others, but I wanted my readers to feel comfortable using my sites. Some features like the form on the Reach Me page were also fixed, along with splitting the email by each site's niche. And so on.
Continued Playtest Feedback, Offline Recording, Review Articles
Alongside that, I also started digging deeper into how to get games legally, how to give all kinds of feedback, writing various reviews across different niches, and recording gameplay offline. There was a lot of... trial and error here — figuring out what layout looks good, what format works, how to schedule things so it doesn't feel like spam, and so on. On the other side, features like the input overlay were also actually designed so that in the future, if I — or new viewers who watch my videos or maybe read my writing — looked back on it, they might see that I genuinely take this seriously. And I'd like to be seen as a professional, and not an amateur, even though I have no experience before this.
New Gear
Since I wanted to take this seriously, I started adding several new pieces of equipment. A BOYA mic, Gamesir T4 Pro gamepad, Soundcore Q30 headphones, a tripod, and a mouse. That's why the layout that had been settled on — after the stage where the webcam was just stuck in a corner because I wasn't using a proper layout and was only using Bandicam — now had an overlay for keyboard, mouse, and gamepad. So that when writing feedback, giving reviews, testing all sorts of things, both the developers and the viewers watching could see — what exactly is happening? Why isn't it working? What buttons do you press to make this or that happen? And so on. The gamepad was also intentionally bought to be able to try certain games with a controller, since some games are genuinely recommended to play with one. Same with the mic — for better audio clarity, both for me when rewatching gameplay to hear what happened, and for viewers who might want to watch again later.
On the other side, some merchandise arrived — like various items from KOMPAS because I used to be a phone polling respondent, and it turned out the points had accumulated enough to be exchanged for certain items. And there was also some merchandise from Project UNSEEK. Didn't expect that as someone just starting out. Ehe.
The Beginning of a Streaming Career
Since there were more and more games I wanted to play and publish to YouTube, I started thinking — it might be more efficient to stream instead of recording offline, then editing, then uploading to YouTube. That wastes storage and time. If I stream and push it directly to YouTube remotely, it seems more efficient. So starting May 27, 2022, I began streaming on Twitch. But until around... October/November, my streaming setup was... a bit comical. Playing a lot of games, but ending the stream after each one, then starting a new one for the next game. I had no idea you could highlight streams so that the VOD would become one continuous thing 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Back then too, from around May to November, I wasn't socializing at all. I had no idea there were Indonesian streamers in the same tags. So I genuinely didn't know anyone until around November. From November onward, I started meeting a lot of people — like Joo_Nathan, Jeeglez, friendofelvis, and many others. From that point on, the social circle started expanding in all directions.
Steam, and Its Growth Through to 2026
This year, since I already knew I could get legitimate games from playtests or demos via Steam, I started using Steam properly. Toward the end of the year, when there was some money, I'd also treat myself — after setting some aside — to be able to buy games during Sales when prices would drop significantly. But going forward, I actually ended up rarely buying games at all — which will be explained in the Sponsored Game segment below. In the image above, you can also see how much my Steam account was worth back in November 2022 versus May 2026.
What a growth ya...
2023: Eight of Cups
Credit: Pamela Colman Smith, licensed under Public domain.
Now we're entering 2023, where a lot of things happened — growth, setbacks, and transitions from one chapter to another.
Streaming Career Growing
From the start of this year, there were several developments and fruits of the work done along the way that were finally starting to be harvested. From the various playtests done on the GRound platform, points had accumulated and could be exchanged for some merchandise. And it actually arrived at home! So now there were extra headphones, plus an extra tumbler. On the other side, some new items were also bought — like the Dance Pad above. Unfortunately the quality of that Dance Pad wasn't great. On the streaming side, since I'd started socializing, the follower count began to rise and the average viewer numbers also started to "stabilize" — so it's a good-good-good-good progress.
New Mic!
Early in 2023, it turned out that my gameplay video of Mystic Village — later renamed Gourdlets — had viewers who watched it and liked it! Apparently it was one of the very earliest gameplay recordings of this game, and they (?) enjoyed it! Then I received a Ko-Fi 😄 If I'm not mistaken, this was also the first Ko-Fi I ever received.
And... the money was actually enough to buy a new mic! So I bought the Thronmax M4 Rosa. It was around 100K more expensive than the black version, but I like pink, so that's fine. Ehehehehehehe. The quality is great — even though it used to buzz a bit back then — and it's still going strong and I'm still using it to this day 😄👍🏻
Affiliate!
Now we're getting to the Affiliate section — something I honestly never thought I'd reach in the early days of streaming, and I didn't even know what it was at first. But it happened, in February 2023. Which is a great achievement! Since then, there's been a lot to take advantage of — channel points, bits, subscriptions, and more.
And it seems like reaching Affiliate would open up many new doors going forward 👀
Sponsored Game
In the first half of 2023, some more positive developments also started coming in — like the two screenshots above.
Me, who had never thought about being able to get legitimate games "for free"... Toward the end of 2022 or early 2023 (I think), I started doing research. In the beauty products, clothing, toys, and electronics space, there's such a thing as affiliate or sponsored review or sample product — is there something similar in the gaming space?
So I registered on various platforms — KeyMailer, Lurkit, Woovit, PressEngine, Terminals, and the like. Even though my viewer count was still small, and my followers/subscribers were also still small... I wanted to at least sign up first. Who knows, maybe things will grow in a better direction in the future...
And one day, an email arrived from Lurkit, and from KeyMailer. A free game offer!
WOAH?!
Finally?
And yes, this was one of many doors opening ahead. From here, more and more free games started coming in to promote organically, and I started getting recognized by publishers, PRs, developers, fellow streamers/creators/gamers, and so on. Since then, I've very rarely bought games at all. During this period, I also started more aggressively putting myself out there — emailing PR contacts that came across my path, filling in forms for various events, filling in forms to get on PR/publisher/developer contact lists, and so on. Maybe because I was aware I was still "very small," I was trying to be... aggressive, but still playing it smart. As in... I wasn't sending repeated emails or filling in the same forms over and over in a way that would come across as spamming, which will make them feels inconvenient.
And from all the things done in 2023... A lot of good things would also happen going all the way through to 2026. Maybe it's like... planting a tree. Starting from a seed first, then waiting, and waiting, and waiting... When will it bear fruit? When can I eat that fruit? And... the fruit would only be ready to eat — sweet and regularly yielding — in the months ahead...
Credit: Pamela Colman Smith, licensed under Public domain.
#WeeklyMidnightRadio
On May 7, 2023, I decided to start a new program called #WeeklyMidnightRadio aka #WMR. It was raining incredibly heavily that day. 🤣
Since that date, the program has been running through to this week. There were a lot of hurdles early on, and a few weeks where it couldn't run due to various issues, which is why it's only reached episode 117 so far. This week, on June 6, 2026, should be episode 118. On 6/6/26. What a pretty date 😌 Ehehehe.
Since this program started, it seems like I and my channel have become increasingly well-known... because of collaborating with others 🤣
If you'd like to read more, you can visit the official site — not everything is filled in yet, but it can be said to be "functional." Or you can also check the playlist here, from episode 1 to 117 🙆🏻♂️
The Collapse of the Master's Degree
On the other side, even though the streaming, writing, and content creation career was developing in a positive direction... the master's degree situation was deteriorating on the other end. The thesis proposal defense hadn't happened yet, certain things hadn't been done, certain publications hadn't been submitted, and so on. Even though in reality everything was actually already done. The proposal had been drafted, the research was complete, the results were in, the international conference presentation had been done, and so on. But... it still wasn't finishing. At that time I felt pressured by... deadlines and dates.
Actually, the master's program head (?) at the time did give a dispensation (?). The situation was genuinely at a cliff's edge — already in semester 8, so if it wasn't completed, it would mean academic dismissal (D.O.). And the head did extend the dispensation so it could be finished, given that practically everything was already done. But... Maybe because at that time the future of this degree path didn't feel bright, and income was coming in — even if inconsistently — I decided... it's fine, academic dismissal is okay.
And then? How did it feel?
Well... Sad.
Because the very reason I enrolled in the master's program in the first place was after applying for various scholarships — to Japan, Poland, LPDP, and so on — hoping to become a lecturer.
Because deep down I genuinely enjoy sharing knowledge.
Even when I was a teaching assistant, even if only in practicals... I enjoyed it.
Even though it was exhausting, and not paid enough.
That's why I still pursued the master's degree, with personal funding from the extended family...
Too bad... That path had to end here...
Unexpected Event!
After years without a flood, since... The last time was around 2016 I think... Somehow, the rainfall in Padang that night was absolutely massive. You can watch it in this video, or read about it in this article, or this article. I'd been living in this location since the end of 2018, and it honestly never crossed my mind that this could happen. Given that near the house there's a drainage channel that's very large and deep. And yet... flooding... 😐
That night I was also supposed to stream from the evening — as usual — but because of the flood, it got moved to the morning, since there were some sponsored game deadlines closing in... Such a sad state...
The cleanup took a very long time. Maybe two or three days? A lot of books got wet, comics too, trash everywhere, the mattress was soaked, and so on. Very exhausting...
Gift from Adli to Others!
Somehow, I got an idea 🤣
Tempe, one of my mutual viewers and also a streamer, had a birthday coming up. So... I got the idea to give a "cheap" gift that could still be done on a tight budget. So... I handmade a keychain and sent it to Tempe, who was living in Java at the time 🤣 It arrived while they were on stream, and they opened it live 🤣
Moving from Padang to Payakumbuh
With the rental contract almost up... and no reason to stay in Padang anymore... I eventually gave in to my mom's suggestion to just come back to Payakumbuh. At first I didn't want to go back, because... my work is more focused on streaming, writing, and recording gameplay... And I also have... hmm... what's the word... Sensory overload? I get easily overwhelmed by a lot of noise and loud environments. That's why when things get too noisy I put on headphones to avoid getting distracted, or prefer to stay somewhere quiet. The sound of cockroaches walking, the distant hum of motorcycles, a faraway speaker, and all of that honestly does bother me. Meanwhile, the main house is right next to a highway, where motorcycles, cars, and loud people pass through every minute. That's very uncomfortable. So I was still trying to hold out in Padang. But eventually I gave in and moved to Payakumbuh. So in November, I finally left Padang, after living in that city since 2013...
In Payakumbuh, I settled into a room above the house at my uncle's chicken farm... Spacious enough, and at night it's quiet since it's in a residential village area... The place is also cool and there's a lot of greenery around to rest the eyes on... Stars can be seen easily since there's not much light pollution at night... There are many animals and various plants nearby too... So, from November 2023... I've been living in this area...
2024: Two of Pentacles
Credit: Pamela Colman Smith, licensed under Public domain.
New Home
Even though I moved in November, it wasn't really a proper move until maybe the last week of December or early January. So I'll just put it under 2024. Since this living area is quite small, there were a lot of hurdles to sort out — like internet, which took weeks of waiting to find out whether Indihome could even be installed, and it turned out it couldn't, because the area was too far in from the main road — so running a fiber optic cable from the road wasn't feasible, the box was full, and the cost would've been enormous. So... a new solution emerged: Iconnet, from PLN. At first I was skeptical, since I'd always used Indihome in Padang. But it turned out to be good in terms of price and quality — except for a few hiccups, like when the cable gets cut by someone — whoever that is — or sometimes if a large truck hits it, you have to wait hours to days for the cable to be reconnected. But... overall the quality and the cost feel reasonable. With 50 Mbps speed, equal download and upload — 1:1 — 350K IDR feels... fair, and satisfying. No FUP either, and it rarely goes down except for the issues mentioned above.
Speaking of the place... Honestly, it was pretty comfortable. Quiet, far from the noise of the main road, especially at night. Since the chicken farm is essentially "owned by my uncle," expenses weren't that high. So... honestly it felt like a huge help and a real lifesaver, especially economically.
Wait? Then why did you move in 2025?
Well... I'll explain that in the 2025 section. Maybe I'll give you the short version here first.
That said, living in a chicken farm meant that during rest time — morning to afternoon — it was hot, since I was right under the tin roof/loft. And it wasn't that comfortable to rest either, because sometimes large vehicles would come to pick up eggs to sell to other areas, or to unload cargo, and so on. That's why further below there's an item — Ear Plugs — that I had to wear from around noon to late afternoon just to be able to sleep and rest without disturbance. I'm also... quite reserved. And not brave enough to say anything. Maybe because I felt like... I was a guest there, basically. So maybe my mind was telling me to... "Know your place, don't ask for too much."
Actually... This is also probably why, even after living in that chicken farm for over a year, I... rarely ate eggs there. First, because I basically never helped out around the place, so I felt awkward taking eggs — even though my uncle said, if you're hungry, just take some. But it didn't feel right. Morning to afternoon I was usually asleep, and taking eggs felt like... getting fruit without putting in any effort. Maybe my uncle was fine with it, but I wasn't comfortable. On top of that, living there I was only paying for my own needs, but... electricity wasn't one of them. So the monthly electricity and water were actually covered by my uncle. He did ask a few times whether the PC was really using that much electricity — the bill went up by 200K, he said. So I tried to offer to pay it myself, but my uncle seemed to gently decline. Which made me feel even more awkward... Haha...................
Oh, one more thing!
Maybe those who've watched might have noticed... Or if you look back at old VODs, it should be visible — subtle, but there — I always tried to end the stream before 8 or 9 AM, and from around 7 onwards my voice was already getting quieter, or sometimes even throughout certain nights my voice was softer than usual, not as loud as normal. Ehe. Same reason. Being reserved. Sometimes my uncle would be at the farm, waiting for chicks to grow from eggs until they were... about two months old? So I felt awkward being loud when he was around. And in the mornings... my room was right in front of the egg storage, next to the kitchen, and above the living room, separated only by walls and a wooden floor. So... I felt awkward if my voice talking loudly could be heard by my uncle and the relatives working in the mornings. Maybe they are okay with it, but I don't really think so...
1st Twitch Affiliate Anniversary
Now! Let's get into this one.
First Twitch Affiliate Anniversary!
Ayyyy! Made it to this point!
For me — someone who basically started from zero in this industry, from late 2021, all the way to starting to stream in May 2022 — I'd received a lot of moral and material support since the beginning, up to this point. So... I thought about giving something back to my Twitch viewers. At the time, with limited funds, I sent one postcard, two photos sized... 4R if I'm not mistaken, and one video. So... roughly three types of items. I sent these with personal funds. One to Padang, four to Jakarta, one to Bandung, one to Germany.
Wow! So far! Did they all arrive?
Nope.
HEHEHEHEHEHE.
Only five out of seven envelopes made it 🤣🤣🤣🤣
New Family Members (Cats)
😼😼😼😼
Yhaaaaaa. This is the origin of all the many, many cats I have now 🤣
One day, while sleeping — early January I think? — a grey cat appeared on the upper floor, which was my room. Where did it come from? No idea. Having lived in this house from December to January without ever seeing a cat, one suddenly showed up right when I woke up. Honestly a bit scary — like, what if I was hallucinating 🤣
By the way, at that time... Hmm... Not sure if it was just my imagination, but... there was a large butterfly. Like, large. And black too. It appeared the same morning Deki disappeared... Not sure whether it was a sign that something was going to disappear from my "little family"...
Financial Struggle
Now, this part... I don't think I've talked about it above yet. In 2022, life was sustained by money from home in Payakumbuh, and... GoPayLater.
Huh? Why?
There's a part above that paints a picture of financial difficulty, right?
Well... Yeah. That.
When income was hard to come by, and internet was essential for earning money, working on projects, communicating... Paying with GoPayLater — even though it's essentially a debt — meant the bill could be deferred to a later date.
The income coming in from this work — streaming, creating gameplay content, paid playtests — was honestly not that much. Well... Even if it might be "more" compared to fellow streamers in my country, Indonesia, it... really wasn't that much. To be completely honest, the largest portion of my income was from donations, then subs/bits, and occasionally paid playtests. Sometimes up to 800K in a month, sometimes once every two months. In drier periods it could even be once every three months.
Is that enough for a month then?
Well... Barely, but I really had to cut back as much as possible.
Feng Shui?
This... honestly never crossed my mind back in 2024 through late 2025... But... Originally, my workspace was facing Southeast, and according to Bazi... this is the Five Ghosts direction, the direction where I felt income was incredibly slow. But... I'll explain more below in the PC section.
Estimated Monthly Expenses in 2024
In 2024, my monthly expenses were roughly as follows:
| Expense | Cost |
|---|---|
| Google Workspace | Rp. 200,000 |
| Iconnet | Rp. 350,000 |
| Phone Credit | Rp. 50,000 |
| Rice (1 sack) | Rp. 80,000 |
| Cat Food | Rp. 200,000 |
| Miscellaneous | Rp. 200,000~Rp. 300,000 |
| Total | Rp. 1,080,000~Rp. 1,180,000 |
New PC
Now! Here we are at... a major turning point, a door-opener, a game changer — the PC PURCHASE. There was someone, YT, who one day offered:
Don't you think it's tough playing games on a laptop like that?
Everything maxed out to the left, and isn't it sometimes difficult with more demanding games?
Would you want to upgrade to a PC?
Hmm... Let me think about it first...
Wait? Why? Isn't it great? Someone wants to upgrade your laptop to a PC, and you'd be able to play games so much more freely? Why would you hesitate?
Well... It's such a large amount. Wouldn't that feel awkward and like too much of an imposition?
Honestly... I felt incredibly awkward and scared of being a burden 🥲 The amount was enormous — 20 million — and... this was the first time, a "stranger" — well... we'd been interacting for a long time already — was willing to lend that kind of money 🥲
And it felt like a miracle, like a dream come true.Imagine — income of only around a million, with nothing but a low-spec laptop — and then suddenly... being lent funds to upgrade to a PC, and no longer having to worry about running demanding games. It truly felt like such a miracle, really.
And from that day on, thousands of doors opened up. Literally thousands. The very doors I never thought I could open, began to open, one by one.Like, seriously. From gaming now running smoothly without worrying about all kinds of errors — even if some games are still poorly optimized. But overall, everything runs smoothly without issues. With this PC, so many new things opened up — connections to PRs, Developers, Publishers, certain platforms, paid playtests, specific projects, being reached out to first, various events and showcases, clubs, creator groups/programs, mailing lists, and so much more. Even new viewers.
To be honest... I haven't paid this loan yet. Hopefully it can start being repaid soon... But... I am so incredibly grateful to YT. That's why their name appears in every video description I publish. Even though there's been a lot of support from many other viewers, the funds from YT represent what I consider the crucial turning point in my career journey. Honestly, I can't imagine what would have happened if I hadn't followed up on that offer. Maybe... I wouldn't have made it to this point.
Feng Shui? 👀
So, we briefly touched on feng shui above. Just a small reminder — I had absolutely no thoughts about feng shui until late 2025. But... it turned out that my seating position since getting the PC had a connection to a "favorable" position according to feng shui. The direction I ended up facing was apparently a good one — or so it's said... Development. In short, since the PC arrived and my seating shifted to face this direction, my "career" could actually be described as running... stably, and slowly improving, compared to the previous position that was facing the "Five Ghosts" direction. Income that had felt slow and blocked before, once the work position changed, gradually improved and actually started to flow.
Honestly, before late 2025, I had absolutely no clue. And when 2025 came — which I'll explain below — I checked my Bazi and other things, and when I checked the feng shui of the old location... it matched up. How though...
New Gear
Yaha~ This year, there was a whole range of new items. Many things bought for comfort — like Ear Plugs, a flashlight, and a vacuum cleaner — plus items to support the streaming career, like a new webcam, new monitor, controller, and IEM. Or other things like a flashlight for checking the surroundings, or new food like MTP. Each one had its purpose, replacing older items, and is still in use to this day — except... the MTP.
Streaming Career Growing Further
As explained above in the PC section, since that change, many doors opened, which had a significant effect on the streaming career's development. The career became more professional, quality improved, work became more efficient, and many things that could now be done were made easier, faster, or even simplified since the PC arrived. And perhaps... without realizing it, the change in seating position — possibly aligning with feng shui — actually brought the career to a more financially stable place than the months before. Early in the year, the financial situation could still be described as being in the red, the same as when I was still in Padang. But over time, since the PC arrived, the financial status began shifting from red to black, and even to green — even if only just barely.
#WeeklyWednesdayMukbang
Also in 2024, a new program was added — #WeeklyWednesdayMukbang. Every Wednesday, at the start of the stream, I would eat first on stream and viewers would watch. The original goal was honestly just... to show viewers what I'm eating, so if finances were rough, they might see me eating just instant noodles or plain rice with a boiled egg... Just being completely honest about what's on the plate... But... going forward, it actually became an option for viewers to treat me to meals 🤣 A lot of foods and drinks have been tried on this program — including foods I never imagined I'd be eating someday...
2025: The Tower
Credit: Pamela Colman Smith, licensed under Public domain.
Now... we're entering 2025. The year I thought... everything would become more stable — which is yes, kind of — but everything changed, in the fourth quarter of 2025.
New Home (Again)
Yeah. You read that right.
New Home, again.
What???
Moving again?
Why again?
Can you imagine — when it rains, the wooden walls get damp, and dark patches and stains start forming on the walls and on the newspaper used to cover the gaps from outside? Well... I lean more toward this as the likely culprit for why I kept coughing for those several weeks. On top of that, there were other health issues like jaw pain at the back, easy fatigue, frequent headaches, mouth sores, and the like. But it probably all started from that persistent cough.
Then one day, someone offered to lend funds so I could move to a new place — on the condition that it wasn't "dirty" like the old room. This person was worried the consequences for my respiratory system could become more serious. Since the offer was made, I took it and sorted out everything needed to move to a new place. The move itself was actually quite a hassle and took a long time to execute. From my photo archive, the funds came in around Monday, April 14, 2025. Internet — which is crucial for work — had no clear timeline on when it could be set up. Contacting Iconnet, it took about a week of waiting to find out whether it could be installed or not. Waiting on Indihome, days passed with no clarity. The struggles of living in a small city... Eventually I decided to just move first, on Tuesday, April 22, and deal with internet later. After waiting several more days, Indihome was finally installed on Saturday, April 26... Yeah... I came back to life... with a very exhausted mind...
Oh by the way! 🤣
That same night, Dora's kittens were born! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Sadly, none of them survived...
2nd Twitch Affiliate Anniversary
![#WeeklyWednesdayMukbang, [Twitch's 2nd Affiliate Anniversary] Crocheting Butterfly Chains](https://img.youtube.com/vi/NM7arKqynCk/hqdefault.jpg)
And so, February 2025 arrived. Which meant the second Affiliate Anniversary on Twitch. This time, I added more gifts that viewers could obtain by redeeming a special channel point. The gifts this time were one postcard, one butterfly-themed crochet keychain, and two 3R photos. I also opened up a food proxy option, as long as they were willing to pay the additional shipping cost.
Now... remember how Pos Indonesia couldn't be tracked, but was cheap? Since I was pessimistic about the quality of that service, I decided to use JNE to send these gifts instead. Unfortunately... the cost ballooned to 50K per shipment. Even to Kalimantan, it could be 100K per shipment. And this cost didn't account for package size — only weight. As a result... I wasn't able to send all the gifts. If I'm not mistaken, I've only sent nine, and around 15 or so remain.
Don't you feel guilty about that?
Of course. I feel incredibly guilty.
Growing Family
Since moving to the new house, somehow my cats kept multiplying. At first there were only Dora, Jusi, and Hana. Then kittens were born, but they didn't survive. So it stayed at three. Then my mom, from the main house, gave me some kittens rather than letting them be thrown away. And there were... a lot. From 3, it went to around 10 or so if I'm not mistaken. As a result, food and litter had to be prepared in larger quantities. Since the career seemed to be improving and income also felt better... it felt like — even though I still had to stretch the money around — I could still cover these cats. At the time, the estimated monthly cost for the cats was roughly as follows.
| Need | Cost |
|---|---|
| Cat Litter: Kawan 5L x18 | Rp. 540,000 |
| Cat Food: Cat Choize 1kg x24 | Rp. 480,000 |
| Total | Rp. 1,020,000 |
That's a lot, right? Previously the maximum was around 200,000 a month, since I had at most 5 cats. So moving here was actually... one of the things to factor in — there was no outdoor space for my cats to go and do their business on their own. Going forward, I started looking for various alternatives for cat litter, food, and so on.
I also bought a Water Fountain so they could drink properly with circulating water. Unfortunately, before even a year had passed, they all broke. Probably a quality and price thing... And I also had to buy a kind of fence... Before the fence existed, my cats roamed freely. There weren't many at that point — just the original three, Dora, Jusi and Hana. Hana kept not coming home, Jusi often slept at the pharmacy next door, and Dora... well, she came home. There were also many reports of Jusi stealing food from the neighbor's stall. Getting more worrying -_- So I eventually decided to buy and install a fence outside the window, so they could go outside but stay close to just the front porch. But... these fences were taken down around February or March if I'm not mistaken. It seems a neighbor was messing around outside, and the fences ended up coming loose and my cats went everywhere. Since then, my cats have just been staying inside...
Career Growing Further
Overall, the career in terms of streaming, gameplay videos, posting short clips, average viewership — all of it... was good, and developing very well. There were also some viral clips, and a lot of videos with reach that somehow stabilized at around 1K per short video, which is great in my opinion.
New Gear
Wowwww 2025! So many new things. Like literally a whole haul! Starting with a new desk donated by Kokoge_, a new phone since the old one — Google Pixel 3a XL — had broken down, so I borrowed money to pay it off in installments at around... 170K a month I think, then bought a monitor bracket so the monitor setup would be neater and wouldn't cause headaches, and no more worry about it shifting or falling since it was originally just propped on cardboard. Now it's tidily stacked top-bottom, no more side-by-side headaches like before, and much safer too!
Then... somehow, the glasses I'd been wearing since around 2019 broke. And couldn't be used anymore. Since glasses are necessary — my eyes can't see up close clearly without them — I tried going through BPJS to get new ones, which ended up with me borrowing money because the BPJS quality wasn't good and the service could be described as... disappointing. Now there are new glasses, and the quality is much better.
Then, to also improve the stream audio quality — previously, since the room walls were literally just bare walls, the audio wasn't great because sound would bounce back rather than diffuse. Since getting the foam, the sound has become rounder and no longer hurts the ears when you watch playback. So now when I speak, the sound gets absorbed by the foam, diffused, and no longer sounds as "sharp" as it used to.
Oh! This year I also bought a CCTV to display my cats on stream. Previously, before it broke, I used to show my cats via the "MENG-CAM" channel point redeem, as well as during the early morning break. Sadly...
Continuing on, there were several crafting (?) things made for the first time — first crochet, first Gundam, first Sembo... So happy!
Honestly I love building things, ehehehe. I really enjoy crafting and art-ing like this. There was actually even a plan at one point to add a Weekly Creative Session program, maybe on Fridays once a month. But sadly, the plan had to be shelved for now because there's no budget 🤣But in all seriousness, I genuinely love crafting, making art, and assembling all kinds of products and artwork. Maybe because there aren't many chances to make crafts or paint and channel the creative side. So when there's an opportunity, it feels incredibly joyful. For the crochet, I bought the materials with personal funds since it was for gifts to viewers, while for the Gundam and Sembo, two people sponsored me to buy them. Happy, and so grateful :>
Then... there were several people who also gave food — like pizza that arrived out of nowhere on a random afternoon, gado-gado after weeks of not eating vegetables and proper food, several packs of Indomie Soto Medan, as well as Camel Rendang and... Horse Empal, but there's no photo of the Horse Empal. Oh! There was also Natto! But no photo of that either. All of this was given by many people, and... honestly, I never imagined being able to eat food like this... '-'
Like... Pizza, sure, had that before... Gado-Gado? Same. But Camel Rendang? Horse Empal? Natto? What even is this... '-'
30th Birthday
Now we've reached Adli's birthday in September 2025!
Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy 🎉🎉🎉
This 30th birthday... could be called a real success 🥲 Someone bought me a birthday cake — because they said, don't buy bread and a table candle like last year 🤣 This was the first time I bought my own birthday cake. Also made a little vlog on Instagram 🤣 Recorded and recorded, edited for 30 minutes to an hour, then posted 🤣
There was also a lot of moral and material support, many people wrote letters too — you can read them here. And there were snack gifts from Makassar too. Delicious! For someone who actually loves snacking and doesn't really enjoy heavy meals... this stash of food was incredibly satisfying 🥲👍🏻
Then Came the Sharp Decline
Financial Crisis
And then... the career suddenly nosedived 🤣
Hahahahaha.................... 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Honestly, baffled and... stunned. The career that had been growing and growing and growing since mid-2024 — since the PC arrived — had started showing stability, and finances had started turning green... Even in August-September, income could be described as really high, up to 4–6 million a month, enough to stock up on things, save, and pay off some installments. And then... it dropped drastically in October through December 2025. Where September had reached around 6 million a month — from donations, subs, bits, paid playtest projects, publisher promotions — suddenly in October it crashed to 1 million-ish, 600,000-ish, 300,000-ish, and even getting to 100,000 was incredibly hard. Donations weren't coming in as much, promotions from studios or publishers were completely dry, paid playtests were completely dry too. And yet monthly expenses were already sitting at around two million. In October, the estimated monthly expenses were roughly as follows:
| Expense | Cost |
|---|---|
| Google Workspace | Rp. 300,000~320,000 |
| Electricity | Rp. 200,000 |
| Water | Rp. 25,000~30,000 |
| Indihome | Rp. 400,000 |
| Phone Credit | Rp. 40,000 |
| Rice (1 sack) | Rp. 80,000 |
| Eggs (2 trays) | Rp. 100,000 |
| Cat Food + Cat Litter | Rp. 1,080,000~1,120,000 |
| Miscellaneous | Rp. 200,000~300,000 |
| Total | Rp. 2,425,000~2,590,000 |
Actually... somehow... maybe also thinking it was my own fault — in early October 2025, there was actually a moment where I was really upset with my mom.
Wait? Why?
Because my door was banged on really hard while I was in the middle of a paid playtest.
Maybe... I don't know...
Ironic, isn't it?
March 2024 was already a struggle, and I knew how hard it was to earn money to cover monthly needs and pay off debts — which were all resolved by October 2024 — and now... just to cover monthly needs, having to dig the same hole, only far deeper.
During these months, a lot of things were done. From cutting monthly expenses, reducing cat needs, cutting back on rice and eggs, switching to instant noodles when there was no rice, and even reducing meal frequency to 1–2 times every three days. So for example, Monday night Adli eats, Tuesday morning eats, and the next meal might be Wednesday morning or Wednesday night — because usually after Tuesday morning stream Adli would go straight to sleep and not eat again. Or if there were snacks, Adli would just eat snacks to stave off hunger rather than a proper meal as it should be. This habit would carry on into 2026, both consciously and unconsciously. During these months, many things were also worked on — like improving the Media Kit site, so that if any developers, publishers, PRs, or potential sponsors came along, they could see the "numbers" from these channels of mine. But... hope remained just hope. Not a lot happened. Even though... the site is still functional to this day, and I don't need to stress about it going forward.
2026: The Hanged Man
Credit: Pamela Colman Smith, licensed under Public domain.
Finally... we've arrived at the last year in this piece... 2026... What a long and winding road... Here... A lot has changed, a lot has crumbled, some things have held on, but it truly feels... like being suspended in mid-air.
Feng Shui of the New Home
Toward the end of 2025, since the financial situation still showed no signs of improvement despite trying so many things — and none of it bearing fruit... One day, I came across a video about Bazi. Having just finished watching Battle of Fates, I got curious and started checking my own Bazi. Everything was explained — from the Day Master, birth year element, Prosperity Star, and so on, down to specific compass-direction positions, and Bazi readings. With a new year and fresh energy, wanting to change what hadn't improved from the previous year — and with Lunar New Year coming — maybe it was the right moment to check and recheck old things that could be fixed.
And you know what?
It turned out... my workspace has been facing the wrong direction this whole time '-'
The same direction as when I first moved to the chicken farm in late 2023 to early 2024, before the PC arrived '-'
And I was... Surprised.
For someone who doesn't really understand feng shui and all that... of course you'd be stunned. So I asked — which direction is the good one, then?
Which direction is the good one then?
Ideally, you should be facing the main road direction (Northeast (NE)).
Right now you're facing Southeast (SE), or Five Ghosts. That's why you often feel mentally drained, income feels stuck, and no matter how hard you work, the results feel blocked.
Or, you could face the wall that has its back to the main road (Southwest (SW)), or Development. Good for building foundations, learning new things, and finding inner peace.
Ohhh.
In that case, could you check the compass directions of the old home?
Well, your old workspace direction faced Southwest (SW), or Development. That's a favorable direction, which is why you felt your finances were slowly improving and stabilizing back then.
At that point... I was stunned. So all this time it was just a matter of wrong positioning... but the consequences spread everywhere. I also asked — why was the finances still "safe" through September if I'd already moved here? The answer was, "maybe because the residual energy from the old location was still there, so you hadn't felt the impact yet since moving to this new spot."
*nodding*
From that day on, I repositioned my desk, tidied everything up, hoping that my workspace would now align with the feng shui it was supposed to have.
3rd Twitch Affiliate Anniversary
In 2026, February came around. This month I was supposed to celebrate my Affiliate Anniversary on Twitch. At first... I was really hesitant. Since October there had been a lot of financial problems. And usually for special events like this — aside from birthdays — I do something other than gaming. So... no games at all. Last year I crocheted on stream, but this year... nothing came to mind. Life is tough, no money... What could even be done... I also kept second-guessing whether to hold it at all. If I did hold it, what gift could I even give to people who redeem? The truth is... I really wanted to give gifts to redeemers, because this is basically the only moment where I can give back to those who have supported and stayed loyal throughout. But I was so hesitant because financially the situation was very bad, and last year's gifts hadn't even all been sent yet due to budget constraints. In fact this year I even made two versions of the redeem — with crochet, and without crochet. And in the end... it went ahead anyway.
![#WeeklyWednesdayMukbang, [Twitch's 3rd Affiliate Anniversary] Paint by Number Kit 20x20](https://img.youtube.com/vi/_whuBqV8HlE/hqdefault.jpg)
This year, I ended up doing paint by number. The concept is just painting by the numbers assigned to each area. And it was fun! As mentioned above, I looooove activities like this. So while painting, I felt genuinely happy. At first I was very perfectionist about it, trying to stay within the assigned numbers. But over time, I just went free. Couldn't be bothered honestly since there were so many tiny little numbers -_- And it actually didn't get finished on stream — there were around 30–45 minutes left for the second canvas when the power suddenly went out, so I finished it off-stream.
Finances Starting to Improve, but Still a Mess
Credit: Pamela Colman Smith, licensed under Public domain.
Now back to finances, and...
So? Was there any effect after repositioning the desk?
Yes, there was. Ehehehehehehee.
So my finances... have been gradually improving since repositioning. It feels like what happened after I changed workspace position at the chicken farm — from the wrong direction, to the right one. But now in the opposite position. Since the repositioning, money has started coming in little by little, small projects here and there have started appearing, and sometimes there's been a lot of unexpected moral and material support arriving out of nowhere. Even in terms of stamina it feels more "fresh" somehow. There have been many moments where even a short nap doesn't feel tiring. Like... a burning desire to work, work, work, keep working. Sure, sometimes it's exhausting. But on the other side, the energy here feels more motivated — not sure why.
Oh! For the current estimated monthly expenses, the figure is roughly:
| Expense | Cost |
|---|---|
| Google Workspace | Rp. 350,000 |
| Electricity | Rp. 200,000 |
| Water | Rp. 25,000~30,000 |
| Indihome | Rp. 400,000 |
| Phone Credit | Rp. 40,000 |
| Rice (1 sack) | Rp. 80,000 |
| Eggs (1 tray) | Rp. 50,000 |
| Cat Food + Cat Litter | Rp. 540,000 |
| Miscellaneous | Rp. 50,000~100,000 |
| Total | Rp. 1,735,000~1,790,000 |
Frequent Illness
Even so, despite the improvement, there are still a lot of debts, and monthly needs can't quite be said to be fully met — even with many things cut. And I seem to be more easily "attacked" from that angle. When the mind isn't at peace, it spreads everywhere. Headaches, fatigue, lack of sleep, mouth sores, restlessness, poor sleep quality, and the like. There have been many days of just staying home and going nowhere because of exhaustion, feeling like I might collapse — a far cry from 2025, which had a more "fired-up" energy.
Help
But in many moments, help would still appear from somewhere. It could be food or money from mom, dad, and siblings... Or money from friends... Or food that suddenly arrives... Or cat food and litter sent over... There's always something.
But... this help arrives at... the lowest of lows. It's bittersweet to write. Sad. But that's the reality.
Well... Working in a business like this, when you're still small — yes, my average viewership is stable at double digits, but this is still small in terms of income in my view — it can't quite be called... stable income. Very, very fragile and precarious. The largest portion of income still comes from donations/subs/bits — roughly 90~95% — with paid playtests or paid game promotions from certain studios coming after that.
Wait? Why do donations/subs/bits make up 90~95% then?
Because... paid playtests and paid promotions are, to put it simply, rare and far apart.
So... someone already financially vulnerable, becomes even more vulnerable.
That's why I said above... the help arrives when things are at the absolute lowest. There have been many moments where the money left in pocket is only 2K, 4K, 9K, 14K. No idea how to pay for electricity, how to eat, how to pay for internet, how to pay for this bill and that bill.
I can't even keep my own life and business afloat, let alone pay my debt.But sometimes, God (?) still sends help through certain hands. And still keeps me breathing... and keeps this business of mine breathing. How much longer should I keep persevering like this?
Going Out
In early April, one of my close friends, Ifan, got married. The invitation had arrived from March if I'm not mistaken, but... I really hesitated about going. No money, couldn't give a wedding gift, couldn't go anywhere either. The location isn't far — about 30–40 km from my city. But with no money... it didn't feel right to come.
Then I talked at length about the current situation with my friend Sukma. And... she gave me some money, and I was finally able to get a haircut and decided to still go, that Friday. Went there by car with Sukma, Zilla and her husband, and...
It felt so refreshing, to be honest. It's been a really long time since I got out of the city, and it felt like... freedom. It felt like going back to 2013-2018, when I had the freedom to live by myself.There was a lot to see there. Fish, flower photos, reuniting with many friends I hadn't seen in years, receiving a few gifts, and so on. What a time...
Website Improvements
Since knowing that since October 2025 the financial situation had not been good, early this year I started trying to "change my fate." Getting more aggressive — improving various websites: Blogs, Media, WMR, JustAdli.Page, Adli's Stream History, and this site, PRISM — Everything from Every Angle. Each has its own function — archiving the Weekly Midnight Radio, updating the domain landing page, recording all streaming session activity, and consolidating all niche sites into one unified hub. There are still things being improved and not yet finished, but... it can be said that everything is functional and being used well.
Besides improving the sites, I also started adding several new "sellable" options — like Game Coverage Request accepting payment via Gank and Fiverr, as well as Advertise with Adli_HM for advertisers who might want to advertise simultaneously on my Twitch and YouTube streams. But... only two have gone through after months... Maybe it's not that marketable, or the right customers haven't been found yet...
AdliThon
Now... we come to one event that Adli himself never imagined actually doing — the AdliThon.
Honestly, the idea never crossed my mind. Because... I had no idea what I'd give back in return. In my head, events like subathons, donothons, and all the -thon -thon -thons out there are events where a streamer does something when the amount hits a certain point, and supporters get certain rewards. But... my reason was more about needing money, so... the basis was different.
This event — AdliThon — came from a place of... personal desperation, with no options left to close the many holes that had been dug. If I'm not mistaken, the total debt at that point was around 23–30 million, outside of rent and monthly needs. And early March was the peak of the panic. No more places left to dig holes, but bills were pressing hard. I even accidentally registered with an illegal loan app, and ended up getting harassed by them too in the early days of AdliThon.
Oh! There's one interesting thing, before getting into the more emotional part. That afternoon, while writing the The Real Reason page, a letter arrived — from Finland. So far away. And I had completely forgotten that I'd ever filled in my address on their form. Turns out it was a promotion for a game, Trackastrophe!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Honestly, this was genuinely hilarious 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Because right in the middle of this despair, a letter suddenly arrives from overseas. Like...
Hang in there, Adli. We know you exist. You're not just a meaningless grain of dust in the desert.
So... back to AdliThon. The idea was... It's now or never. And this is probably the final stretch. So... if enough funds — at least 10 million — couldn't be raised this month... I thought I should probably shut down this business, and not continue. Maybe I could sell this computer and just look for a job. Even though honestly I have no idea what kind of job I'd look for... Given that I'm in my 30s, graduated in around 2018, and work is... this. Which people may or may not consider an actual "job."
And so it was held, from Saturday, March 7, and lasted until March 11, 2026. Then that afternoon, the funds that had been raised honestly weren't enough, at that point. The total raised was... hmm... around two million. Which is not enough... And in the early hours of that day during the break, thoughts were already swirling. Maybe... this really isn't the right field to work in. Even though I love it, I'm passionate about it, I'm comfortable in it, and even according to my Bazi reading I'm suited to a flowing world like this with no boss above me... But... it's incredibly hard to sustain without financial backing. It feels so exhausting. Maybe... this career should just end this month.
And that afternoon, one of my viewers at the time, Kenny, asked a lot of questions that had nothing to do with my event, AdliThon. They were answered as usual. But eventually, it drifted into my current financial situation 🤣 And it turned into a long heart-to-heart all the way to midnight or 1 AM 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Honestly comical. Like... already at the point of wanting to give up, and instead ends up in this long venting session — and the timer that should have ended kept going until the afternoon, then I fell asleep until around 11 PM, then continued again until it finally ended on March 11. Kind of... comical, seriously. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Maybe it was just exhaustion. Because that afternoon I'd already mentally prepared for it to be over, so when the timer ran out, that was supposed to be it — time to sleep. Turns out... it didn't go that way. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
And actually... over those four days... there was so much support, both moral and material. People tuned in to watch, had conversations, kept company, sent donations, added to the timer, sent physical items, and more. On stream the whole time with viewers, yet it honestly never felt empty or lonely. There was also a lot of moral support like... don't stop, hold on a little longer, better days will come. Which is actually the reason I've stayed up to this day, 8 June 2026.
Wait, let's go back to the debts.
Has that 30 million been paid off? 👀👀👀
Not yet.
There are still many mountains left to climb.
Below is a transparency table. My remaining debts as of today — June 8, 2026 — how much, and where. It's been a long time since I've opened any of these apps, because I honestly can't picture how they'll ever be paid...
| Platform | Total Amount Remaining | Deadline |
|---|---|---|
| Adapundi | Rp. 5,163,371 | November 2026 |
| Akulaku | Rp. 1,934,000 | May 9, 2026 |
| Artha Niaga | Rp. 368,754 | April 27, 2026 |
| BantuSaku | Rp. 879,000 | May 10, 2026 |
| Bank Jago | Rp. 8,720,811 | Nov 3, 2026 |
| Credinex | Rp. 840,740 | April 1, 2026 |
| KrediOne | Rp. 12,700,008 | July 28, 2026 |
| Kredit Pintar | Rp. 1,362,957 | May 22, 2026 |
| Pinjam Yuk | Rp. 2,805,142 | March 26, 2026 |
| Total | Rp. 34,774,783 | |
Wait, wasn't it 23–30 million earlier?
How did it become 34 million?
Yeah. Because... since March 20, nothing has been repaid, since incoming money goes toward covering monthly needs first — there's nothing left to pay the remaining debts.
On top of that... some of these platforms have huge interest and late fees. KrediOne for example? It shouldn't have been that much. But the penalties ended up being double what was originally supposed to be paid.
And... aren't you embarrassed to have this exposed publicly like this?
Well... I don't know.
To say I'm embarrassed... I don't know how to frame that...
To say I'm not embarrassed... people might not know what the situation behind the scenes looks like...
Plus I've already explained at length on the "The Real Reason" page that I'm drowning in debt...
And what about your SLIK OJK status?
Well... It's probably ruined by now.
The record that was previously "okay" at the end of 2024 is probably as damaged as it can get now...
Changes in the Family
This year, from what I think was up to 20 cats — or even... maybe 27 or so, including those who passed away young... Several have been released back outdoors. Some were also rescued from outside or given by others and cared for, then some were let go. Currently, the total is only 10. Intentionally keeping only those that are well-behaved, obedient, and know their limits...
Belongings
Honestly, I don't remember buying anything from the start of the year to today, June 8, 2026. Can't remember buying anything — probably because money has genuinely been so limited, just cycling between paying debts, covering monthly needs, buying food and snacks, and that's about it. So there's been no chance to buy anything or even go out anywhere for fun...
Selling Gold, Fooled by Hope
This one is kind of comical 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
So this piece was being compiled since May 31. Sorting from 2021, arranging headings per year... And while sorting... I came across a photo. A holiday bonus (THR) envelope — containing Mini Gold.
Shocked. Speechless.
Wait? What's this?
So I rummaged through the messy bedroom. And... found it!
WOOAAAHH GOOOOLD.
YOU'RE RICH NOW!
Haha... it's only Mini Gold, 0.2 gr...
Two days later, went to the market. Might as well get a check-up for the persistent headache while also checking whether it could be sold.
And you know what?
It had no value because it had no weight 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Only 0.00 grams on the scale, and after being weighed I just laughed bitterly the whole way home 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
What was hoped to bring in 400–500K IDR to cover half the needs turned out to be nothing but false hope 🤣🤣🤣🤣
My life... is such a joke 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Career Starting to Stabilize
On the other side, even though finances haven't been stable since October 2025... the career in terms of streaming, review writing, gameplay videos, and contact with publishers, developers, and PRs — it genuinely feels increasingly stable. The numbers have started to hold steady, emails arrive regularly on their own without having to fill in forms anymore, invitations to participate in this or that showcase/event/direct have been coming in, offers for this and that keep arriving — even if 90~95% of it is still organic rather than paid promotion.
Well... This is what I'd call the condition of being... Rich, but Broke.But at least that's something, right? Something not everyone can achieve...
On the other hand... I've also started setting certain boundaries — for organic promotions, I've set a waiting window of around 3–5 weeks from when the key is received, and this also applies to channel point or form-based requests... Same with demos/playtests. I'll only work on those that come in first or that I've personally signed up for. Even offline gaming time is now limited — only on Sundays after #WeeklyMidnightRadio through Monday midday. So any remaining free time that isn't used for streaming could be used for rest, writing, tidying up, prep for the coming weeks, and so on.
Oh! If you haven't read the previous post, Happy! | Curhatan Adli, I explain a lot of the simplifications and HTML I deliberately built to streamline the workflow and make things more efficient and easier. So from the start of the year to now, there have been so, so many positive changes made.
Maybe... this is the Ace of Swords that I needed to work through, based on the various tarot spreads read from early last year through to now.
Credit: Pamela Colman Smith, licensed under Public domain.
Current Situation
Right now, as this piece is being finished — Monday, June 8, 2026. Truthfully... this business of mine is on the edge of a cliff, simply put. As I mentioned in the Mini Gold section. I need at least around a million, and it should have been before June 3, 2026. There's a Google Workspace bill — the lifeblood of the business I've been running since 2021. The bill has been unpaid for two months, totaling only USD 37.30, which is... around 800K? On top of that, I also need to top up the electricity token to keep the lights on and keep working and "earning." Not to mention cat food and litter that are running lower by the day, and my own food too.
Right now, Monday, June 8, 2026, that Google Workspace bill still hasn't been paid. I've requested an extension until June 18, 2026. If it remains unpaid, all Google Workspace services used up to this point will be suspended. Meaning I won't be able to send or receive email, use many features like Firestore and Google Drive, and likely won't be able to access the writing at the justadli.page subdomains, nor check any of the sites that have been built and maintained over all this time.
Oh? That's really critical then?
Yes, very. That's why since the third week of May I've been thinking about it non-stop.
What happens if it doesn't get paid?
And up until now... there's genuinely no money for it...
Hopes: The Chariot & King of Pentacles
More Capital = Expand More = Hire People
Credit: Pamela Colman Smith, licensed under Public domain.
The first hope for the future is... something I've actually been expressing for a long time, and often mention on stream or in public.
I hope... I can have enough, or even a huge amount of capital, so I can expand further, hire people as well, and perhaps reach even more people in the future.
Hire More People!
For a while now, especially since around 2024 — since the PC arrived. Maybe from the fourth quarter, it started to really feel it. Doing everything alone is... genuinely exhausting and overwhelming. Right now, I handle everything myself. Reaching out, replying and sending emails, scheduling, finding games, browsing events, writing, editing videos, managing videos, highlighting videos, publishing videos, following up, filling in forms, and so, so much more. What might look smooth and seamless on screen during a stream to the public is... honestly, in my view, because I'm juggling so many things behind the scenes. So during the actual stream, I can genuinely focus on just streaming, without worrying about whether this or that is working.
But there are many moments where I feel utterly drained because all the weight has to be carried alone — I don't have people I can distribute these tasks to, when some of them really could be delegated. Even follow-up emails haven't been replied to in a very, very long time. There just isn't enough time 🥲
There used to be itsezha — as video manager on YouTube and Twitch — and ankerokun who was a dedicated video editor. Very helpful, but at the time I couldn't really pay with actual money. I felt awkward, but since we'd already made arrangements, the awkwardness didn't weigh as heavily...
My hope is that if I ever have enough capital, I want to hire people and pay them properly according to their skills and job scope.
Expand and Reach More People!
Yep. This is one of the hoped-for effects of hiring people as mentioned above. In my view. I feel like I don't reach the public enough. Like... yes, average viewership is already in the double digits. But... the public seems to watch more on YouTube, since nearly everyone in Indonesia has a phone, which explains why the YouTube audience is larger. Maybe, if there were someone who could make dedicated short videos or highlights, it could reach more people? Could even do them bilingually, to potentially reach audiences outside the country and within Indonesia itself. But again, this hope can't be realized yet because... the capital isn't there.
New Home = More Private = More Freedom for Me and My Cats
Credit: Pamela Colman Smith, licensed under Public domain.
Oh, this one...
I hope... I can move to a new physical home... Maybe to Java? I need a place to grow. A more "private" and peaceful place.
What's wrong with the current place?
Is it uncomfortable?
Not peaceful?
Hmm... It's peaceful, comfortable.
But I don't feel like I'm actually growing, and... my privacy often feels like it's being crossed.
It's comfortable, overall quiet and peaceful — except for the mosque speakers which are really loud, especially when there's an event going on... Or occasionally there are workers here and there... But...
Hmm... I don't know. It feels like this house drains my luck and my health. Like being... caged, but free, but also not free.
As for growth — my city is a small city. Not a provincial capital, and from what I can see it's not exactly booming in terms of development. Looking at the neighboring island, like Java, there are at least... so many events, developments, and things that could stimulate growth. Maybe attending offline events, seeing game developments, or even just cycling around, and so on. Here... I don't feel I'm actually growing that much.
And the privacy issue. There have been some incidents I've mentioned — my door being banged on by my mom? The October 2025 one, and more recently something I might not have talked about yet. Was sleeping, exhausted from writing and working, then the door was banged on really hard. Embarrassed, uncomfortable, and upset. Yes, my mom's intentions are good, but... I don't know. It just doesn't feel right...
And my cats too. Honestly... I hope they'd be able to go outside freely, and I wouldn't mind if they wanted to roam. Dora and Jusi used to go in and out freely at the chicken farm, and they seemed so happy and healthy being active like that. But... since moving here, they've been staying indoor, and... they've become less active. If let out freely they'd steal food from the neighbors. If kept in, they're just very passive inside the house.
And actually... I... often experience déjà-rêvé, where my dreams become reality in the future. A lot of things have happened, including... AdliThon. There was a moment where I was tallying up data, and suddenly it struck me — I'd dreamed this once before. And it felt... Weird. But okay, let's just move on then. On one hand it's a bit strange, but on the other it's like thinking, "oh, so the path of life is still going right up to this point...". And... in the past few months, there's been a vision of a house — very vivid — from the floor color of the porch, the color of the sofa inside, the height of the windows, the paint color and number of doors, the curtain color, a water feature and fountain and lawn to the left of the front bedroom, several parked vehicles, down to me stretched out with my cats while gazing at a door flooded with the glow of afternoon sunlight. But...lagi... rekap leaderboard adlithon... sambil nonton snsd... sambil nanya-nanya claude... lalu tiba-tiba deja reve...
— Adli • Streamer, Content Creator (@Adli_HM) March 19, 2026
macam pernah liat ini di mimpi...
masa' memang jalannya susah gini...
I don't remember ever dreaming this.
So, to be honest... I don't understand. How is it possible to have a vision this detailed and vivid? I've never been to a house like this, and don't think I've ever seen it in real life or in any post anywhere. And to this day, unlike other vivid dreams that I usually write down so I won't remember them anymore — this vision of a house just won't leave my mind, and still lingers in my head.
Honestly bewildered, and I don't know the answer or reason either.
Closing
Hah... Tired.
Over a week of putting this long piece together, and it's finally done. In Sublime Text — where I'm typing right now — there are 2,750 lines. No idea how many lines it'll end up being once it's read. But this article... is probably the longest piece I've ever written — outside of research papers, of course.
I... honestly don't know what the outcome of this piece will be. But... I hope it might give some picture to people who are perhaps curious about my life journey up to this point. What might look easy and smooth and seamless from the outside... is honestly not that seamless.
Thanks for reading!
